August 30, 2023
If you’ve ever slaved away with your musical efforts and been relatively unnoticed, or poured your heart out before an audience that gave you their “divided” attention, or had someone (maybe even a co-laborer in Christ) take your work for granted, this episode is for you.
Sin is in this world. Let’s start there. People will say things, do things, or fail to say and do things because the sinful nature affects all of our actions and omissions.
But people are also human, and they sometimes forget to express how they feel if they appreciate something. And forgetfulness is not typically something that people do intentionally.
When things are said that are unkind, or body language communicates indifference or a lack of appreciation, this can be hard for those of us for whom “words of affirmation” are a key love language. I’m speaking autobiographically, of course.
And we can communicate a lot, even without words.
But just as words of affirmation can be a huge blessing to me, words of criticism can really affect me, much more so than some folks I know who typically don’t let those kinds of things affect them.
If you want my insights into how to cope with criticism, I encourage you to check out Guitar Serious Fun Episode 58 - When Someone Criticizes Your Guitar Playing.
Today’s episode is a little different, because for those of us who serve, sometimes our work goes unnoticed. So, someone isn’t actively criticizing what we do…it’s more like they are disregarding what we do.
Is that ok? Well, after you’ve heard what I have to say, it just might be.
I’ll paint three scenarios for you that have the potential to be discouraging, but really don’t have to be. And spoiler alert: there are four words that will make all the discouragement fade into the background or go away entirely.
As I predicted, I hinted at these in Episode 66 of Guitar Serious Fun: The Guitarist We Should All Surpass. I’ll share these four with you as we’re winding down today.
But first, let’s look at three scenarios together.
Scenario 1: The Volunteer Worship Leader
Let’s paint a picture of someone who has a tentmaker vocation to provide for their family, but they serve at their local church as a volunteer. This is how I got started in worship ministry, and I’m grateful to have had the opportunity.
In this first scenario, the church is likely small, and is therefore unable to pay for someone to serve in this position.
Some worship leaders of the volunteer type are deeply appreciated, but let’s talk about someone who is hypothetically disregarded for what they do, and perhaps sometimes taken for granted.
Maybe the congregation sings with them, or maybe they only sing on the songs they prefer.
But this individual works a full week, comes in on one of the weeknights to prepare things for the rehearsal, and then leads that rehearsal.
Maybe the band says “thank you for leading us,” but maybe they don’t.
And when Sunday comes around and they arrive early to make sure everything’s in place, the band trickles in, they run the songs, and the service begins.
How does the church surround this individual to thank them? Maybe they don’t. And then the week repeats, with work and volunteering, over and over.
Now, the Lord doesn’t call us to burnout, so perhaps this individual needs to build in time for rest and recovery. But even then, without a certain amount of appreciation, they can lose stamina and their morale can decrease.
Scenario 2: The Paid Worship Pastor or Director
Here, we have someone who serves at the church and is actually monetarily compensated for what they do. I’ve been here, too.
Their role may be exclusively dedicated to music, or it may be a hybrid of music leading and administrating over the tech realm. Or maybe part of their position involves shepherding the youth.
But this individual is tasked with resourcing the teams in a similar way, and joins in meetings with pastoral staff so as to make sure everyone is on the same page.
Now there are pastors out there who are musicians. But some are not. And although some value the musical contributions of the worship team, some – not so much.
Let’s say this worship leader leads four songs, that add up to 20 minutes. Let’s say the pastor preaches a sermon that’s over twice as long. Speaking quantitatively, one could say that the preaching of the Word is a higher priority, simply by virtue of the fact that more time during the service is allocated for it.
But I would push back on that, because the service is a worship service, and the whole program, as it were, is intended to declare and proclaim God’s worth, whether we are studying the Word, preparing for it, or responding to it.
So, if a pastor does not show appreciation for the worship team or the worship leader/guitarist, it could be because the pastor is mostly focused on the text for that morning.
And the pastor may be going over sermon notes in the front row…even as the band is leading soulfully from the platform.
What if congregants arrive for the service after the music set has concluded? What if they leave just as the closing song is starting? That can be super discouraging for those who have prepared diligently to lead the singing.
What if, in the re-cap meeting a couple days after that Sunday, the pastor guides the conversation to be mostly focused on the sermon, rather than the music? Does this mean the music is any less significant?
Well, it’s not, but it might feel that way.
Does the Pastor intentionally wish to make the Worship Leader feel like his or her work is less valuable? I hope not. But that message can still be communicated, or at least perceived.
Scenario 3: The Concert
Let’s say a guitarist is performing a concert. This is something I’ve done more times than I can count.
And when I perform, I generally classify my audiences into two categories.
Type A audiences have come to hear me play because they follow me and enjoy what I do. Type B audiences don’t know anything about me, and my presence at their event is more of a surprise, or at least they don’t know what they’re in for.
Typically, Type A audiences are more attentive and respectful. Type B audiences need a little bit of “winning over,” but with my multi-faceted program and my winsome manner, I typically can draw them in within the first few minutes.
But there are always exceptions.
Some concerts I’ve performed have been very well-executed, and yet…
There are people who look bored or disinterested, even during some of what I would consider to be the most interesting parts of the show. They may start talking to each other, or even to me if they’re young and socially unaware.
They may also be on their smartphone while I’m trying to sing from my soul.
And although the vast majority of the audience tends to get on board, what am I tempted to focus on?
The negative minority.
Performance coach Tom Jackson, with whom I have studied, claims that if you are a performer, 97% of your audience wants to like you, and that remaining 3% will never like you, no matter what you do.
And while it’s important to acknowledge that there are going to be people who dislike our offerings or don’t appreciate them, it’s also important to remember those who do appreciate what we are presenting.
So, perhaps I’m being swayed too much by the critics, but they’re out there, and I feel underappreciated at times.
What to do?
Well, if you’ve come this far, you’ve probably identified in some way with at least one of the above scenarios where you’ve played your guitar, whether for pay or not.
Let me ask a couple questions.
First question: is it about us?
Well, actually, when it comes down to it, it’s really not. Those can be harsh words to take in, but even my music (that I’ve worked so hard to craft and share) is not about me.
And that’s actually pretty liberating, because that means the criticism that comes is not really meant to be fully carried by me.
I can listen to it, and evaluate it, but it’s just not mine to carry completely.
And the lack of positive feedback is also not something I need to bear the weight of. Again, I need to be objective and make sure what I’m doing is in line with my calling and what has been asked of me, but people, in their sinful or human nature, may not express their appreciation.
Second question: if it’s not about us, is that ok?
Yes, I suppose it is. Because if I’m ok with this reality, I can move on and focus on my art, and my worship offerings.
Last question: who is it about? In other words, Who is it for?
The Lord. Right?
Colossians 3:23-24 says:
Whatever you do, work at it with all your heart, as working for the Lord, not for human masters, since you know that you will receive an inheritance from the Lord as a reward. It is the Lord Christ you are serving.
Years ago, we had a sweet missionary couple come speak to our Sunday school class. Their names were Roy and Elvia Sprague, with the Northwest Independent Church Extension, a ministry to churches.
To be frank with you, I can’t recall much of what they said. Except just four words. And these four words have the potential to change the game for you. These four words are:
As unto the Lord.
Perhaps that’s all the Lord wanted me to remember, because those words are just as clear to me today as the moment they were spoken those many years ago.
And what this means is that I can rest in the sufficiency of the Lord, for whom I am laboring so intentionally.
Even these words I’m stringing together are in some ways designed to benefit and bless you, but if I don’t get any feedback or positive comments from you (which are totally optional), I can still remember that this is for the Lord.
A few years ago, I read a short book (and by this, I mean 44 pages short) with the title of “The Freedom of Self-Forgetfulness” by the late Tim Keller.
The cover of the book has a picture of a mirror with no reflection. The title of the book and the image on the cover pretty much summarize the contents, but I do encourage you to look it up if you want some further reading on the subject of navigating what it means to be underappreciated.
Wrap-Up
So, as you continue forward playing your guitar, take in the criticism, take in the affirmation, and even the silence. But when feelings creep in that imply that you are underappreciated, perhaps not appreciated as much as you would like, or worse, remember this:
The Lord smiles upon your sincere work. And He’s the One we’re meant to please, above all others.
I hope today’s episode was encouraging to you. Don’t worry – I don’t need you to extend your appreciation to me with a comment, unless you want to.
But I will invite you to share this episode with someone you know, perhaps someone who serves in worship ministry and maybe plays the guitar as they do…and perhaps at times they feel underappreciated.
It just might put some wind in their sails, and remind them of those four essential words: As unto the Lord.
Colossians 3:23-24 says: Whatever you do, work at it with all your heart, as working for the Lord, not for human masters, since you know that you will receive an inheritance from the Lord as a reward. It is the Lord Christ you are serving."
ABOUT ME
David Harsh
Singer, Guitarist, Teacher
© 2023 GuitarSuccess4U a ministry of David Harsh Ministries.